I miss writing. Often I had nothing to say, but just writing something, anything, felt good to me. When I was a little kid, I wanted to be a writer. Quite some years ago I even started writing some books. I never finished them though. I didn't want this blog to be another of those abandoned forgotten writing projects of mine. I knew all along that I would miss it, and so I thought I'd just eventually open up a new blog, but then I think of all the posts and comments left here and would miss the continuity. It's almost been a year since I started this blog and so much has happened, why abandon all of that? A lot of the time I write crap all, just spewing random thoughts out as they enter my head, but to me this was what I needed. It's like a journal or diary where you put all your thoughts, dreams and hopes, and flicking through the archives of this blog are like reading through old journals to me. This is far less private ofcourse, and because of that, so many times there were things I wanted to pour out and always held back.
I started to take medication that had some side effects. One of these was the lack of sleep, the other was how emotional they made me. That's where the problem started. I should never have told anyone about them, because they were used against me (and still are) to an extent. If I get upset about something with someone, I think it gets attributed to the combination of lack of sleep and medication, with no acknowledgement to how I actually feel. I may be expressing my emotions more, but the emotions are still real.
Because of the pent-up emotions, some blogs became more personal, and I guess I should have warned you readers because it rubbed some people up the wrong way. So here it is, I am laying it all on the line. Call it my Disclaimer if you will.
If you come here and read something, and you think I am having a bit of a vent about you, please come to me personally and ask me if that's the case. Don't discuss it amongst yourselves escalating speculation, don't put nasty comments up telling me what an awful person I am, be an adult and just talk to me one on one. I have never deleted anyone's comments here unless they have done a double post (true story, I hate censorship remember) but in the future if anyone posts abusive comments I will delete them. That's not what this place is about. Acknowledge my feelings by speaking to me one on one, or I won't acknowledge yours.
Despite popular belief, the Trust No One post I wrote that started a big huge wave of abuse was not about Emmy. It in fact was not about one particular person at all. This is what you readers need to understand - don't take things I write personally because 99% of the time I am writing in a general sense. If I say men suck, it means just that, men. Not one man, even though I may take examples from what I have experienced recently. If I say trust no one it means just that, no one. I have also (though not here yet) said I think that people suck. Yep, people. A generalisation, not directed at one individual. It's important you make this distinction, otherwise you may as well stop coming to this blog. I will do an I Hate People blog sometime soon I'm sure, so if you can't handle it, don't read the post! The majority of my posts here have always been lighthearted, and I'm not about to get totally serious on you, but hey, this is Mel's Random Ramblings. This is me. Sometimes I like to ramble about things I have noticed in this world I don't like. Most of the time I like to ramble about things I have noticed in this world I do like. There is always good with the bad, positives with the negatives, the yin with the yang. That is life. This blog is where I post about my life, so expect it.
I closed this blog because I was lost in life, I didn't know where to turn, and had discovered my blog was not a place I could escape to as it seemed my negatives were something for people to mock. A lot has happened in my personal life lately dealing with my relationships with several people, including those closest to me, and it's going to take a lot to heal. I'm trying to get past all that though and so I won't discuss that matter further, but thought it fair to tell you why I stopped writing. Hopefully those people would have lost interest in checking this site by now. I used to love seeing my little Site Meter tick up, loved seeing people leave Comments. I guess it was pride. I don't care about that stuff anymore, and will not be advertising this blog like I used to publicly. If you still come here, great, if no one does, well, at least I know I won't have to worry about what I write. When Squash reopened his blog (I'll put a new link up soon) he reminded me how good doing this felt, and so, it's time...