Bear with me

When things are bothering me I sometimes turn to this blog to let those feelings out, because I think of this sometimes as a personal diary, even though other people read it. So if you're one of those "friends" (and I use the term loosely, you know who you are) who can't handle that sometimes I get upset about things (and it's not always about you) then now is the time to stop reading.

So, basically, my dad is a real asshole sometimes. Today Mum, Maria and Grandma all leave for QLD so I spoke to them last night on the phone to wish them a safe trip, as you do. As soon as Mum got on the phone I could tell there was something wrong, and when I asked what it was she just started crying. She couldn't talk, because Dad was there still swearing at her in the background, but basically he was drunk again and treating her like shit, again. I called her this morning, after he'd left for work, and that was pretty much the gist of it.

You know, as close as I am to my father, I really hate him sometimes. He's had a drinking problem since we were frigging kids (oh yeah, some great childhood memories thanks to Dad) and I wonder when the hell he plans to take any responsibility and act like a grown man for fuck's sake. Excuse the swearing but clearly I'm upset. He goes through these phases where even though he drinks daily, most days he won't drink so much to the point of getting drunk, he'll just have some alcohol with dinner and stuff. But then he gets these bad patches.

This is one of those bad patches. On the last few occasions I've seen him he's been drunk. Sometimes I'll feel guilty for getting angry at him. Like, I'll think to myself 'oh, well he's on holidays from work, he can indulge himself', or 'it's the Footy Grand Final, he's allowed a few beers', and so on, making excuses for his behaviour. Well, I'm tired of making fucking excuses. It's not normal to drink that fucking much. And what's worse is he's a real prick when he's drunk so Mum cops so many arguments.

I know, I'm 25 years old, you'd think I'd have learned to deal with this by now, but why the hell should I learn to deal with this? He's a grown man, he has a steady job, a loving wife, two daughters who do ok for themselves, what gets him so frigging stressed out that he needs to drink every fucking day and night?!? GROW UP! Putting your children through this sort of thing is just not warranted. Kids should not have to yell at their dad, console their mother, or cry their childhood away because of their parent. Enough is fucking enough!

Countless (and I do mean countless) events that are supposed to be happy were ruined by him, and it's still going on! Rather than Mum be excited about a week holiday in QLD with her sister and other family members, she got to cry herself to sleep last night. Good work Dad. Last year my birthday was a fucking write-off. Good work Dad.

And then he'll realise, when something happens, that he needs to change his behaviour. The number of times I've heard him say "I've been drinking too much lately, that's going to change", and I try and take some hope with that, and then a week (and I'm being generous, I was originally gonna say 2 days) later he's back at it again. So many broken promises. Now that Mum and Maria are away and he'll be at home by himself he'll probably be worse, even though I'm going to try and call and see him as much as I can. I shouldn't have to be sitting at home, wondering if he's ok!

***

Anyway now that I've vented a little bit, I do have some more normal news today. The jobs in Adelaide have finally been advertised. There are three of them and they close in two weeks, so I have to get my Resume in order and send off an application and cross my fingers.

My book is stuck. I'm supposed to somehow write 1850 words today if I want to stay on target but my mind is a mess and I can't focus, so methinks this will be another failed project. Oh well, I'll try but I just don't think I can get into it today.

That's about it, time for lunch now. Oh, and blah at half the American voters, but enough people are writing about that.